My Life’s Greatest Mistake

It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, let my parents know I was pregnant. I was 15, and the father had left months ago. How I had made it five months without telling anybody what was going on, I don’t know. I guess I didn’t really know myself until around the third month. There had never been a thought about the possibility. Never comprehended the consequence of the required action. I understood the biology for sure, but for the laws of nature to apply themselves to me… Well let’s just say I was more than nieve. I was young and willing to believe lust was love… honestly, I had never been shown different.

I could go on all day about what brought the situation about, but I won’t. Some lessons are meant just for me. A quarter of a century has not removed my guilt, or my shame. I was not a rebellious child, rather a needy one. I needed love, someone… just anyone who would love me, and that is exactly what I got.

As my child grew inside of me, for the first time I experienced a real connection to another human. I could feel her need for me and I wanted only to give her the best. I dreamt up opportunities I would try and provide for her, things I never felt worthy of myself. More than anything I imagined ways I could shelter her or protect her. The terrors I had found for myself seemed inescapable, but for her I would try. I knew that schooling was no longer a choice for me, but rather a necessity, work an obligation. Obviously I needed both, and I needed them now. No choice was given me, I would love this child like nothing had ever been loved before, and that was that.

I do not know who I would be without her. I just know that I am who I am because of her. Somehow, I was blessed with a family, a real family full of loving hopes and shiny memories. Everything else I have experienced in this life is just a haze. I do not know of the fate of the average teen parent, just mine. It was hard, it was scary, and it was real. I am grateful beyond comprehension for the trial that was placed upon me, and the growth it afforded me.

My Life’s Greatest Mistake

facebook.com/mountainmaidensjourney