It was quite a conversation that went on in my little brain. I can’t help but well up with tears every time I think on the whole situation. I can still see the last place I sat it down. I can hear the selfish thoughts that were going through my mind as I churned the lingering argument. You see my dear, my husband has a limited capacity for empathy. I on the other hand can’t find a mountain high enough to separate my empathy from the entire world. Time to time this divide inevitably presents a strife between us. Such were the preceding 12 hours of this self indulged argument I seemed incapable of breaking from. Nevertheless, I can see it sitting there on the wet floor, all those gold encased diamonds, lovely as ever.
Various times in my life I have had to ask myself the question, Could I give this up if it were required of me? Maybe the sacrifice was not even required, but simply requested. My possessions, home, friends, and family are all blessings bestowed upon me. Apart from my knowledge and testimony, all can be lost, taken or given freely away. Is it up to me to justify my individual loss inside my own conscience?
I fancy someone needed it. Well, maybe not “IT” so much as rather the value it held. If it helped someone out of a hard spot, or maybe made it possible for a poor orphan to have the little kitten she had always wanted. If this were the case, perhaps I could feel fluffy inside. I’ll admit, the odds are slim, but they are still there. Chances are some random average person noticed it and simply picked it up. They considered it their lucky day, and now they could afford the downpayment on that boat they had been obsessing over.
He gave it to me with his amplitude for love brimming. I wore it for twenty-one years. It could have been a dime store trifle and it would have possessed the same value to me. My hand feels empty, my heart chipped.
It will be OK. I have not lost his love after all. I may have, however, found a limit to my empathy, or a crack in my own logic. Why did I walk around with such a monetary possession leisurely strapped upon me? Being subject to such a sliver of vulnerability was unexpected. Have I become a fool parading? Perhaps I will learn my lesson and err on the side of caution. A dime store trifle would not have been picked up so eagerly. I can overcome the monetary loss, but can I heal my chipped heart? Will I be able to restore those treasured memories and moments with any substitute? I am unsure.